Saturday, April 30, 2011

April Fools

April Fools Day. The one day where the Two-Bits of the world have an excuse to pull stupid pranks. It's also the day where the girlfriends of the world, like moi, prank the shit out of their amazing boyfriends because we can always withhold sex if they don't forgive us :D

So I needed a good prank, a prank that would overshadow everyone else's. Naturally, I went to the great Miss Kitty for her wise advice and guidance in the art of creative pranking. [Sidenote: Kitty, are you interested in the 'joke-itorial arts'? Please tell me you get that reference. :P ]

After a few minutes of brainstorming, we came up with the rather simple master plan:

1st) Have Katie pee on a pregnancy test
2nd) Tell Dimitri it's my test.
3rd) Enjoy how freaked out he gets.
4th) Sadly have to end the joke, and admit the truth. (How long I waited would have to be determined on the spot.)

So everything went fine at first. Katie peed on the test, and after she left Kitty tossed one at me. "Pee on it." she demanded, her eyes never leaving the Friends marathon that was on TV.

"....Why?" I asked cautiously, wondering if Grandma Liz's desire for grandchildren had warped Kitty's mind as well.

"So you can have a test to prove that you aren't pregnant, Sherlock." she said in that matter-of-fact Kitty way. "I thought you were the smart Winston cousin." she mumbled under her breath.

"Bitch." I said while chucking the box at her head.

She slowly turned her head and gave me one of the scariest looks I've ever seen. "Whore." she hurled it back.

"Skank." I hit her smack dab in the middle of her forehead. We continued on like this for a few minutes until she finally got her lazy ass off the couch and shoved me in the bathroom.

After I took the test, I left it in the bathroom and chilled with Kitty on the couch. "Hey." Kitty said after a few minutes. "Shouldn't you go get the test and hide it, so Dimwit doesn't see?" 

"True." I said and headed to the bathroom. I picked up the test and my eyes glanced quickly over the result. Positive. "Thank God." I thought to myself, not quite registering what it said. Wait! WHAT?!? I looked again and my eyes saw right. The test said positive. I felt like I was going to pass out. How is this even possible? There weren't any signs! What am I going to tell Dimitri? Will I even tell him?!? What if it's just wrong? But what if it's right?!? I gripped the counter and saw my face pale in the mirror. I had to act, and act fast. I had cracked the test in my counter gripping process so I just snapped it into two pieces completely. I put them in two separate pieces of tissue and shoved them in the bottom of the garbage. I leaned against the counter, taking a deep breath. I could feel the tears starting to roll down my face when Kitty called my name. "Jelly? Are you coming back anytime soon? I don't want to keep this on pause for forever." I wiped away my tears and put on a fake smile as I left the bathroom, and headed towards the living room. 

"I hid the test really well. No one will find it." I smiled, telling the truth without telling everything. I couldn't tell her right now, could I? I don't even know if it was accurate? My mind was still a mess. "Awesome. Dim is totally going to freak out." Kitty said grinning. "Yeah he probably will." I said as I sat down on the couch, mentally planning what I was going to do.

It was show time. Well sort of. I had Katie's test in my pocket and still wasn't sure if I was going to pretend it was a joke or if I was going to tell the truth. Technically I would be telling the truth, but if I went through with it would be the big decision.

"Honey, you may want to sit down." I said calmly to Dimitri. As expected, a confused look crossed his face but he did it anyways. "What's going on Jels?" he asked slowly, as if afraid to know the answer. I sat down next to him on the couch and grabbed his hand. I felt panic rising in my stomach. It's now or never, I thought to myself. I looked into his eyes and said "I'm pregnant." It was if time stood still as I waited for his reaction. He looked speechless, scared and confused. I saw his face and knew I couldn't tell the truth, at least not when I wasn't sure. "April Fools!" I exclaimed on instinct. He let out a sigh of relief and grinned as he gave me a huge hug. "You really had me scared there babe." He gave me a kiss, and I said "Yeah it was a pretty good joke." all the while wondering what hole I just dug myself into.

~~~~~ LATER ON ~~~~~

I was pacing around the apartment, freaking out. I was so lost. So confused. I felt like the hugest liar in the universe. I had to talk to someone, and I knew exactly the someone I had to talk to. I knocked on Kitty's bedroom door and impatiently waited for her to answer. "What's up Jelatin?" she asked curiously. "Can I.....can we talk for a couple minutes." I asked quietly looking at the ground. "Yeah of course." she put her arm around me and we sat on her bed. "What's wrong?" Kitty asked holding my hand. That's when the tears started to come. I looked into her eyes, her face blurry from my tears. "I think..I think I'm pregnant."


  1. If you really are pregnant none of us doubt dim will be there for you :) im sure that he was just really shocked as any guy in there right mind would be :P he'll warm to the thought if its true. now i have to comprehend this. because i cant imagine you pregnant and big. o.O

  2. Damn Jel, this post is some sort of sick irony. But like Jamie said, Dim will be there, everyone knows that.....And maybe if you are preggo Kit will finally stop picking on my fatness and take it out on you <3

  3. Actually Blair, nothing will ever keep me from picking on you. And Jelly, um, I want to really be sweet and supportive but didn't I tell you a 129348239852394 times to use the fricking pill and the comdom? Sigh. Ok, now I'll be there for you whatever you need. We'll get over this.

  4. hmm :D well dim will be supportive and there for you every step of the way!

  5. im sure you know dimitri better than me but im bettin on a mental breakdown =D


  7. Angela im gonna solve that statement and result to the fact that we're all apparently allergic to rubber =D

  8. Y'all failed Sex Ed. And to think you used to make fun of me for actually doing my homework for that class. Take that bitches.