Thursday, March 1, 2012

Heartbreaking Memories

“So…. speaking of babies…I gotta tell you something.. I think with everything going on right now, we should wait for a bit you know? To think about anything like that?”

Dim just smiled and nodded before leaving the room. I almost felt guilty for being grateful that he left, but I needed to be alone. I told him I had a miscarriage and what does he say about it? That I should have told him. No sorries, no nothing. I may have been young, but it doesn't mean it still doesn’t hurt. I could feel hot tears begin to spill out and I buried my head in my hands, trying to stop the painful memories from returning.

~~~~~~~~~

It's a weird thing when you get pregnant so young. You're terrified. Confused. But then you realize something, well I did at least. You've got a human literally growing inside of you. A child made by love with the person that you love. It was an ......odd feeling. I didn't want the baby but then I kinda did. Does that make sense? Yeah it confused me too. I loved Sodapop and at that time I realized I wouldn't want it with anyone else.

When I told him, of course he was shocked and scared. But then he promised to take care of me and the baby as well as he could. I almost started to become hopeful, like it might turn out okay.

But then I started to think about telling our parents. I knew my parents would be better about it, but damn. Sodapop's parents, or should I say mother mostly, would freak the hell out. He'd be kicked out. I'd never be able to see Kitty again. We'd be shunned.

I began to stress myself out so much about it. I wasn't feeling healthy. But then again I was 15, what the hell did I know about being pregnant? For all I knew, that was normal.

Maybe if I'd told my dad about it, it wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have miscarried. The day that it happened was chilling with the Dawnster. She didn't know, but was about to find out.

I had gotten off of my bed to grab something when I felt an indescribable pain. Well....I won't go into the gory details but that's when it happened. She rushed me to hospital, but it was too late. She’s the only other person in the gang who knew about it. Well until Kit decided to reveal it.

The pain I felt wasn’t just physical, but psychological. I told everyone I had a nasty stomach flu and food poisoning, the puking wasn’t far off, but really I was just trying to recover. I would just cry. And cry. And cry some more. Then I had to come back. Act like everything was alright and hope that no one would see a crack in my perfectly crafted mask.

~~~~~~~~~

I couldn’t handle all of this right now. I quickly got dressed, told Dim I had to go out for a little while, and got in my car and drove. It was a struggle to drive with the tears still blurring my vision, but I somehow safely reached my destination. I had to see someone that would understand.

I walked up to the counter at the DX and Soda turned around with a smile. “Oh hey Je-.” His smile faded as he saw my tears. “What happened?” I silently handed him the faux papers and letter. I could see his face break. “Oh god Jells.” He rushed around the counter and held me with tears forming in his eyes. “It was Kit wasn’t it?” I could only cry harder in response. “I’m so, so sorry…..: he whispered as he ran his hand over my hair comforting me. And there I stood, bawling my eyes out but I felt safe knowing that he really cared. I realized that Dimitri didn’t understand like this, or maybe didn't even care, and it tore me apart inside…..

She crossed a line and I have to get revenge on her somehow.

3 comments:

  1. So I'm guessing this means war - .-

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  2. WOW. KAY well I....yeah. I'll think of something better and come back..xD BUT IM SORRY. :(

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