Wednesday, May 23, 2012

This May Be Our End

I still can't forgive him. 

These thoughts filled my mind as I clutched the steering wheel with white knuckles. For once, I wasn't sure if I'd follow Soda's advice. Could I bring myself to talk to Dimitri? To fix something that I shouldn't even have to fix? 

Do I even want to?  

I took a deep sigh and tried to clear my mind as I focused on driving. I drove aimlessly for what felt like hours until I forced myself to drive back to the apartment. When I entered the front door, Dim turned from his place on the couch and smiled. "Hey babe, did you get some good fresh air?" I just stared at him. I was too tired for emotion. Too tired for his obliviousness. Too tired for his selfish behavior that he seemed to have just forgotten like every other male. I turned around without a word and buried myself in a little cocoon in my bed, just wanting to forget the world. 

It went on like this for a handful of days. I avoided talking to him and I only saw him when I'd pretend to be sleeping when he'd crawl into our bed at night after he got home from a long night at the restaurant. I had begun to grow accustomed to this detached state I was in. Any time I tried to come out of it, all I felt was pain. 

This all changed one night when two people screaming awoke me from a dream I was having in which I was sitting at the end of a dock overlooking a calm lake. Sunset surrounded me as I cuddled a little toddler girl that had golden curls and deep brown eyes. She called me Mommy. Scratch the dream part. It was more like a torturous nightmare. 

I came to the sudden realization that the people screaming were Dim and Kit and forced myself out of bed to investigate. Right as I turned the corner, I saw Dimitri and Kit lock lips. In that moment, it was like I was immediately snapped out of the zombie like stupor I had been stuck in. I let out a loud gasp as the betrayal sunk in. I turned and ran into my room as I heard Dim yell for me. I grabbed a duffel bag out of the closet and just started grabbing. I could hear Dim burst in, pleading for me to listen. As I shoved the last thing I could think of into my bag, he grabbed my arm trying to stop me from leaving. This pushed me over the edge. The sound of my palm colliding with his face was the only thing to be heard in the deadly silence. He looked shocked, hurt but it gave me a chance to speak. “Don’t you dare touch me now. Don’t you dare. I don’t deserve to be treated like this. Especially not after these past few days. You can stay here with her. You deserve each other, but I’m out.” As I stormed out of my room, toward the front door I caught a glimpse of a smirking Kit slinking into her room looking satisfied. I’d deal with her later, but now I could only think of one place I wanted to go. 

It takes a lot to show up at your father’s front porch, sobbing in the middle of the night. “Daddy?”  I whimpered as a very confused and tired James Winston answered the door. “Baby girl….” I spent the whole night crying my heart out to my father, the whole while he just held me close, allowing me to let it all out. Everything poured out. Unrepressed feelings from my attack, how much I miss mom, how the miscarriage was brought up again, everything with Kitty, and last but not least everything with Dimitri lately. I finally fell asleep after I could barely keep my eyes open from all the crying, the last thing I remember was my dad stroking my hair, whispering “I wish I could fix everything for you darling.”

The next day I awoke in my old bed, wrapped up in comfy blankets with the smell of bacon filling the house. I went downstairs to see my dad making me breakfast and it took quite a bit of convincing to convince him that I was fine enough to go back to the apartment and it was what I had to do. Once I got there, Dimitri lept off the couch with bloodshot eyes “Baby I am so s-“ He stopped talking once he saw my serious expression. I stepped towards him, wedding ring in hand. “I can’t stay here anymore. I’m going to take some more of my things today.” I put the ring in his hand, closing his fingers around it. “This may be our end.”


  1. Oh.My.God.

    Jel I don't even know what to say :/

    But if you ever need anything at all, I'm here for you <3

  2. ...Oh Um... Well I'm Not Good With This Guy Problem Thing. But There's A Nice Couch And A Shoulder To Cry On At The Curtis House! :D